I’ve been struggling with my weight for quite some time now. Well, really since high school, thought it hasn’t been a constant battle.
After high school I gained a little weight but was still healthy. Around 2007, I suddenly realized I was 35-50 pounds overweight (based on the “ideal” weight charts) at 181 pounds. I quit my anxiety meds, dieted and exercised, and by the time my wedding came around in 2009, I got down to a healthy 145 pounds and I was thrilled.
After the wedding, I stopped dieting and over the next year put on nearly 20 pounds. I was 165 when I got pregnant with Austin, and over the course of the pregnancy, I lost 8 pounds initially, and then gained 48 back. The day I had him, I weighed in at 204 pounds.
Most of that came off within 2 weeks of the birth, thank goodness. When all was said and done, at the end of my maternity leave I believe I was around 178 pounds.
I went on a diet and joined a Biggest Loser challenge at work (which I won!) and dropped 10 pounds. That was last summer. It has been an uphill battle ever since then.
A couple of months ago, I did a lemonade fast. A version of the Master Cleanse (without the cleanse), and I dropped 5 pounds, fast. I was splitting up my fasting to two separate days a week, which I thought would be easier to handle, but after two weeks I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat and eat and eat.
So I started exercising, every day. But then I ate so much food the exercise wasn’t doing anything. Last Monday I weighed myself at 169 pounds. I’d gained back the 5 pounds I lost on the lemonade fasting plus almost 4 pounds.
And so a new chapter in my weight loss has begun. On Tuesday (the 10th), I began a 2 day lemonade fast. Two days in a row, and the hope is, never having to do it again. It was really easy, though, maybe because I was SO done with feeling fat and disgusting, that I looked forward to not eating for two full days. I dropped 6 pounds. On Thursday, I started what I feel is a strict diet & exercise plan (strict for me, maybe not for others). It includes 6 days of workouts a week, eating healthy foods and eating much, much less than I was before. No second helpings. I am not allowed to finish an entrée when I go out to dinner. Things like this.
I weighed in today, 1 week later, at 161.5. I’m so close to the 150’s, I can taste it. It’s been hard. Like, HARD. I’m killing myself with these workouts (and not like they’re all that tough, my body just isn’t tolerating them well at all yet). I can’t even explain why it is so hard. I used to run easily. I used to be able to do an hour long workout. I am STRUGGLING to even power walk 2 miles on the treadmill right now. I am so out of shape.
Anyway, I just felt that I needed to post this, get this off my chest. I am trying, very, very hard, and I’m going to do it this time. I’m going to stick with it. I’m going to get down to my healthy weight and look nice in clothes again. But it’s SO damn hard I want to cry.
Are any of you struggling with weight loss?