Book Review: Being Kendra, by Kendra Wilkinson
I've never actually been angry before that I bought a book. Even a book I didn't like, I can handle the fact that, hey, it just wasn't for me. But I am angry that I spent $25 at the airport a couple of months ago on this piece of garbage.
I loved Kendra's first book, Sliding Into Home. (Full disclosure, I have no idea if I'm supposed to italicize book titles in a blog post). It was fun, juicy, and entertaining. It was written as if Kendra was speaking. I note that she had different writers for the books; maybe that had something to do with it.
In any case, Being Kendra is absolute shit. I mean, the worst piece of writing you could ever possibly read, ever. EVER.
First - she contradicts herself, constantly. In one chapter she goes on and on about not having time to care about her appearance or weight the first 9 months after her son is born. In the next, she's hitting the gym hard core as soon as she gets back from her 6 week pp checkup. She works out and works out and works out and doesn't lose any weight (turns out she has a thyroid condition). Hank gets cut from the Eagles and she grabs the phone and forces him to go to Minnesota, and in the next breath she's yelling at him and saying that he's failed as a husband and father and how could he do this to her? Oh, and how she's a great mom because she lets her son fall down and takes him to the park to play and isn't overprotective, but then yells at people to put on hand sanitizer before touching her baby and won't leave the house because she's protecting him. Just a few examples of the contradiction this book is FILLED with.
Second - she spends about 2/3 of the book telling us what a perfect mom and wife she is. How she will never let her child stay up past 8pm and how awful it is that other celebrity moms have their kids out to late night dinners. How while reading is nice, she makes sure her son gets outside and touches the trees and sees the sky, not just reads about them. How she knows how to keep her man happy. How great her sex life is. How if you don't come home and want to jump your man's bones every single day then there is something wrong with your marriage.
Third - she had to have been contracted to write a second book, and had absolutely NOTHING to talk about. She spends entire chapters detailing daily routines or repeating the same things over, and over, and over again. Down to the exact hours of the day her son drinks his "all-natural smoothies with banana, strawberries, and blueberries with a little bit of yogurt" and when he naps and where he naps.
Being a mom is her 9 to 5. Marriage is her 9 to 5. Oh, but she's also a celebrity and so that means she has to make appearances and make money because poor Hank can't support the family by himself. Even though she yells at him and expects him to be a man.
There's an entire chapter devoted to how bad a mom her mother is. There's a very boring chapter on how she would have sex in her Dancing With the Stars trailer every Tuesday. And how she purposefully farted on DWTS so she could create her own moment. There's a long section about their nanny, who she loved but later fired because she was so jealous that the baby bonded to her.
She goes on and on lecturing the reader about eating healthy. How she slapped a hot dog out of Hanks hand once because he was going to eat a third hotdog (or heart attack on a bun, as she called it). But then in another chapter talks all about how many Dunkaroos she ate when she was pregnant and after she had the baby. She actually includes a couple of "recipes." Let me tell you, the LAST person I want recipes from is a former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner.
Which brings me to ANOTHER point - she mentions her friendships with Holly and Bridget, and proceeds to totally diss Holly because she's a Vegas showgirl and always on the prowl for a new boyfriend and Kendra is so beyond that lifestyle now.
There's a chapter where she says she had her "Britney moment" and tore their apartment to shreds. Hank came home and got so mad he passed out. That time, she didn't hit him. But the other argument they had, she actually clocked him. Over a damn text message that she misinterpreted.
I made it through half the book before I had to start skimming. I was determined to at least get through it so I could post a proper review, but even I have my limits. This book made me want to hurl it out the window. It actually makes me want to hunt Kendra down and smack her with it. It has 100% changed my opinion about her - I honestly loved her show and thought she was just a ditsy blonde but was funny and down to earth. Now I can't stand her and her patronizing, holier-than-thou attitude.
The book is just so repetitive, from the lecturing on eating and parenting, to Kendra whining about being a celebrity with no privacy, to reminding us a zillion times she used to be a stripper and used to be a drug addict, to bitching about Hank's football career (while insisting that he wanted to quit and she wouldn't let him), to all the sex talk. Which isn't even juicy sex talk. It's all about the great sex they have and where in the house they have it (everywhere but the bed, of course, because the bed is like driving an Oldsmobile) and for how many minutes and how many days a week.
I could go on about how bad this is but I'm totally done wasting my time on it. I'd really love to get my $25 back, please. Oh, and the 4 hours of my life I spent trying to read it.