So here's the thing...

I think I'm suffering from some sort of depression. To what extent, I don't know. I'm not a therapist, I can't self diagnose. But a lot of the things I've been feeling lately lead me to the obvious conclusion that I'm depressed. My husband and baby couldn't be more perfect. We have a good home, I have a good job, and I have a small group of really amazing friends. There's nothing really "missing." But I'm feeling incredibly unhappy with myself, and I want to change that. I'm not sure that my 2012 plan for losing weight and making time for things is going to fix the problem. I think I really need to talk to someone.

I don't want to go into detail, but I've had some not so pleasant thoughts lately (nothing suicidal - I'm too afraid to die for something like that) and I know it isn't healthy, so I'd like to talk with someone that could hopefully bring me out of this "funk." So, I'm looking into working with a therapist. I've left a message for a local practice for an appointment.

I find myself crying often. I feel sorry for myself and self-conscious about what other people are thinking too often. I take every whisper I hear from my co-worker's or lunches that I'm not invited to join in on personally. I'm always tired. I don't want to get out of bed - I even hope that when I hear Austin fussing in the morning that he'll just go back to sleep because I don't want to get up and face the day.

I feel disrespected, sometimes, when I try to explain my point of view. I feel often that my voice isn't strong enough. That their opinion or feelings on an issue trump mine. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Maybe I'm just viewing situations all wonky.

But I know something's not right with me, inside my head. And I am starting to realize it can't be fixed without some outside help.

6 comments:

  1. Love you, and I'm proud of you for taking this step <3

    I'm always here if you need a friend.

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  2. I am also really happy for this post. I am glad that you recognize this for what it is. Which is - a)not just a "funk" and b) not your fault.

    I think talking with someone will help a lot. And partnered with new healthy habits and exercise (which they say is the single best homeopathic treatment for depression, believe it or not!) you'll make some good progress, I am sure.

    And as you already know... Everyone that truly knows you, loves you without condition. And we are all here for you in any capacity you may need!

    PS : I made a little collage of pictures of Austin & me from halloween and hung it on my wall! It makes me smile!

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  3. Thanks ladies.

    Shannon - that is cute. Makes me smile :)

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  4. I give you so much credit Melissa for recognizing this and taking action. You are stronger than you realize!! One day at a time. One foot in front of the other :-)

    Love you!

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  5. I give you a lot of credit for searching within yoursel, recognizing that something is really not right, and jumping into action to do something about it. I hope you find the right therapist soon.

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