That has nothing to do with this post, it's just running through my head. Rather, this post is a bunch of random thoughts and is quite boring in nature.
Craft show tomorrow - I don't have nearly the amount of stuff I wanted to. I have about 9 sets of Christmas cards and several single cards, plus some new magnets. I feel like I've been working for the past month and have zero new inventory to show for it. Not sure where the time went, really. Oh well. I have more shows in a couple of weeks and I'll have a small amount of time to make some stuff for those shows, but I'm kind of just burnt out on the craft shows this year. Next year will be better. I got into the game on this paper crafting business a bit late to really be on top of things for the holiday season.
I am so looking forward to 2012. I'm starting early. After these shows are done I'm going to swap to an earlier bed time and start getting up early. About to remove Chelsea Lately from my DVR, so I'll be down to 5-6 weekly shows that I tape (Survivor, Whitney, Up All Night, 90210, and Teen Mom/16 & Pregnant when it starts). It'll feel good not to have TV as another thing looming over my head. I've got my planner, which I've been using religiously.
I feel so fat and ugly lately. Brad and I have made a plan to not eat any of the fast-fast food in 2012. This means, no McDonald's, Wendy's, BK, or KFC/Taco Bell type of stuff. Five Guys is not included but is limited to no more than once a month (if that). For the entire year! We have to find some other option if we need to eat out quick and cheap - like Boston Market or Subway, something that is not that deep fried fast food crap.
A very dear friend lost her kitty last night, and that made me very sad. I actually saw her text and started crying on Brad's shoulder. It hasn't been that long since I lost Gizmo, so the emotions are still right at the surface for me. Having the same thing happen to my friend hit me pretty hard.
This is Austin's first Christmas so I really should have gotten a move on decorations and buying gifts, or at the very least, planning a list of whom to buy for, but I haven't even budged. I picked up some outfits for him solely because he needed winter clothes and we'll wrap those up so he has more to open (not like he's going to even know what's going on), but no toys or stocking stuff yet. I just am having a hard time getting into a Christmas mindset. I am hosting Thanksgiving in two weeks and have nothing planned for that, either! It seems the older I get, the more the holidays sneak up on me, and I hate it.
I really just need to make some changes to my life because I'm so unhappy. I have a wonderful husband and son and a good job - that stuff isn't a problem. I'm just unhappy with myself. I don't like myself at all. I feel fat, ugly, disorganized and just like one big mess.
I want to take everything down in the jewelry shop after Christmas and start with all brand new items. Of course that means finding time to make jewelry too. I'll be doing that slowly, I think. Maybe. Or maybe I'll take a year off from jewelry, completely. I guess I'll figure things out as I work with my new schedule.
My sister's birthday is in a couple of weeks and I have no clue what to buy for her. I really wanted to try to make a point this year with it and I'm not sure how. I'm too nice to not get her something or to be obviously cheap, but damn that's what I'd really like to do. Maybe I could re-gift the potato masher she gave Brad for Christmas last year? (Yes, that was his only gift). I'll remind you my sister is 25, not a child without a job. Her two page list that she put up on my mom's fridge has mostly gift cards and dvd's. No room for real error. Oh, and Burt's Bees. I could just get her a bag of Burt's Bees. (You should really see how she wrote this list, too - it was all specific, bolded, capitalized DO NOT GET and PLEASE GET stuff). What a douchenozzle.
I'm just tired. I'm really so tired. Mentally, I've had it.