So, I don't really want to just write a whole post on what we discussed. It's probably best most of this is left within the walls of her office. But I do want to at least say that my first appointment was very positive. I like my therapist, and I look forward to working with her. I have another appointment in two weeks (next week being Thanksgiving she's booked). She picked up on a couple of things I mentioned briefly while explaining where my head is at right now that I am happy she picked up on. She explained a few things about how anxiety works that I felt gave me some insight into my behaviors.
She's sort of..prescribed me exercise as an immediate, baby step treatment. In talking, she saw that exercise was something I was doing regularly in a time in my life when I didn't feel like I do now, so she's encouraged me to put aside some of the "nice to do but not imperative" things and make time for the exercise. I'm going to start tonight. Yes, Shannon, I know you've mentioned exercise a couple of times to me. I wasn't ignoring you. However, I wasn't seeing it in the priority sense that she explained to me. She said, basically, if I had a heart problem or cancer, the treatment for that would become a priority to me. So I need to look at things like the exercise as a treatment to my anxiety.
I did tell her my whole "2012 clean slate" thing - how it's like this "blank notebook" or "empty box" thing with me. That I wanted to get to a point where I could start fresh, clear my schedule and make time for everything, but she said she's dedicated to making me understand that the baby steps are important. That the clean slate/New Year's Resolution thing isn't a reality for pretty much anyone.
Anyway, first meeting was probably more productive for HER than me, since it was mostly spent trying to explain where my head is at right now, but I am encouraged by it and, well, excited to be working with her. I want to make myself a better person. I don't want to be angry and snappy with people and coworkers. I don't want to lash out over nothing. I don't want to take everything anyone says as a personal attack on me or feel left out when people at work know something I don't or when a friend cancels plans with me. I want to be able to let the negativity my family puts my way roll off my back like a normal person. I'm hoping she can help me address these issues.