Reflections on being pregnant...some minor TMI

As you know, because I’m not at all shy about saying it, pregnancy is just not my thing. Very excited for this little guy to get here, but I don’t enjoy the process. Some people love being pregnant. I am not one of those people. I can’t wait for it to be over with, and I will never do it again. We’ll be taking steps to ensure this.

Anyway, looking beyond the physical unpleasantness, the thing that makes it so hard for me is that my body is just not mine anymore. Since approximately week 6, when I started getting super sick, I have felt like I’m just a shell, in someone else’s control. I hate it. The only way I can describe it is, it’s like I’m a puppet and this baby is pulling the strings.

I have to pay close attention to what I eat and when, all day and all night, every single day. If I eat too much, I get super full and get heartburn. If I eat too little, I get nauseous, STARVING hungry, and acid reflux. To eat just right, I have to plan 6-7 small meals a day. Every day. I have to bring supplies up to bed with me every single night – juice, a snack, morning breakfast, water, medicine.

I have to wear panty liners and breast pads now, because of all the stuff leaking from various orifices. Last night I sneezed and wet myself. I constantly have to pee, even when there is no more than a half an ounce of liquid in my bladder. I have been some form of constipated since I started taking Zofran. I can’t sleep on my back because I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep on my left side because something just isn’t right about it – it makes me sick, and when I sleep on my right side after awhile my hips ache so badly I cry out in the middle of the night.

I can’t enjoy things I used to – like Vegas and Disney, because I feel so tired and sore and miserable. I don’t have time or energy to clean the house, or do my crafts like I want to, because I’m 100% focused on how to NOT feel uncomfortable. I can’t remember anything anymore.  

I hate not being in control. I feel INCREDIBLY out of control of my body and mind and emotions right now. I simply cannot wait for it to be over. I know raising a baby is going to be so, so hard. But if I can just get control of my body back (no matter how much weight I end up gaining when this pregnancy is over), I feel like I can handle the baby part. I just want to feel physically like myself again.

Please tell me I will feel like ME again afterwards?

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